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Keralabrethren.net: General Forum: Domestic Violence - Divorce.

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# 10376 :  Domestic Violence - Divorce.

Hello,

I have been married for 4 years now and my brethren husband has been physically and mentally abusing me. He has beaten me, pushed me, stomped me and tortured me for the whole 4 years, as a result, I fled from him and live alone now. Please note that I am not a Christian nor do I follow a brethren way of anything. I want a divorce and he refuses. He's is not willing for a mutual divorce so I've decided to file a case against him for the abuse and contest the divorce. Could anyone give him advice on this issue? I do not wish to live with him anymore and I request the people in this forum to not give me advice on this asking me to reconcile or comment on my religious affiliation etc. as it is my right to protect myself and have peace of mind,

Post by : nonchristian  View Profile    since : 14 Feb 2019


Reply by : paizanjoe   View Profile   Since : 15 Feb 2019 3:46:45 AM Close

What sort of advice are you looking for?

According to the law of the land, you have taken preventive measures as it is. So it is fishy considering the fact that this is not a legal forum.

So I am curious to know why you need advice from us since you already formed an opinion on 'brethren' people?

Joe

 

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Reply by : nonchristian   View Profile   Since : 15 Feb 2019 4:13:14 AM Close

Let me make myself clear here. What can be told to my brethren husband to make him understand that a divorce is required here? What is the brethren take or the biblical take on domestic violence and a divorce on that grounds? 

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Reply by : quazi   View Profile   Since : 16 Feb 2019 1:22:43 AM Close

paizanjoe,

Do you have any advice?

Here is what I understand  

She has made it clear that she is not looking for any advice for her but for her Brethren husband. If what she stated is correct she has been physically and mentally abused and she is looking for a divorce. But her Brethren husband is not willing to give that. So what advice can be given to her Brethren husband. May be she would like to have an educated discussion with him. 

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Reply by : nonchristian   View Profile   Since : 20 Feb 2019 7:23:43 PM Close

I guess no one really knows what advice can be given. From my experience, I've seen that the community doesn't really discourage violence against women in any sort. The family kept justifying that it's common in a household. Maybe that's what they are taught to believe.

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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 21 Feb 2019 4:23:07 PM Close

Dear ‘nonchristian,’

 

In the past, on this forum, certain persons asked questions with respect to marriage. When they asked their questions, they did not give their real identification. When I asked for it, they refused to give it, but demanded that I should give them an answer, which I refused.

 

In your case, if you expect an answer, you should provide verifiable information about you. That is a requirement for personal advice on personal matters. Once you give verifiable personal identifications, then we could go further after completing the verification. Otherwise, you could go on an aggressive attack mode as you showed in your posting of 20 Feb 2019, but you will fail to receive anything from me.

 

Shalom Malekim!!!

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Reply by : nonchristian   View Profile   Since : 21 Feb 2019 5:05:17 PM Close

Dear critic,

Thank you for your reply. This will be of use to me in many ways. What makes you think abuse doesn't happen in arranged marriages? I have names of people who abuse their brethren wives if you're interested. Just like you mentioned, I didn't look at his riches or looks as it wasn't an arranged marriage. What makes you assume that I was looking for a new husband? Will you tell the same hurtful things to your daughter or sister irrespective of what circumstances they entered the wedding? When you title me as "second hand" are talking about my sexual life?

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Reply by : nonchristian   View Profile   Since : 21 Feb 2019 5:11:33 PM Close

Mr. George Koshy,

It's really unfair for you to ask someone to reveal their identity especially when all they asked for is what kind of advice can be given to a serial abuser. You don't seem to get agitated by violence against women nor the abuse and shaming happening in this very forum but you somehow find my reply aggressive. I would have been surprised if you actually gave useful advice. Just like 'paizanjoe' mentioned, it's better for me to seek the law of the country for this case. Since the religion played a vital role in the abuse, I don't have a choice but to mention it. Anyways, you are free to block me or erase my account. I hope you God is able to see you beyond your facade. 

Thanks everyone..

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Reply by : nonchristian   View Profile   Since : 22 Feb 2019 7:32:54 PM Close

Critic,

You are too full of yourself. I suggest you take English classes first. Nobody spoke about a second or a 7th marriage. I guess you are speaking out of personal experience. I'm sorry that you're living such a depressing life. I hope you get better. Hugs..

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Reply by : paulthomas1   View Profile   Since : 22 Feb 2019 11:37:26 PM Close

Critic you are full of hatred, and you claim to be a christian? Your words like "used up stuff" so demeaning! Seriously go get a life you pervert and don't call your self a Christian. You may be holy kerala brethren among your peeps but down in your heart your real you is what you posted here! Sounds like a sinless first at the door of heaven self proclaimed "Vishudhan".

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Reply by : paulthomas1   View Profile   Since : 24 Feb 2019 8:44:11 PM Close

Critic - Your handle itself says what you are good at! This is what typical kerala brethen people are good at judging others, and yes I am proud of kerala not the kerala brethren pramani hypocrities. Go look at the wealth some organzations amassed in the name of flood, with the help of your bamboo cutting, marsh land clearing, 10th and gusthi American mates. Again you continue to prove that you are a self proclaimed vishudhan, and also one of those wanna be's who couldnt be a Indra Nooyi or Pichai. Who cares what a group claims to be, look into your heart and figure out where you stand. Feel sorry for people like you who defile the health of a Christian gathering looking down on people who are in trouble or do mistakes in life. You need to first learn to show compassion then start quoting scripture - You look down on people, remember your lowly state before showing your pride to others.  You sound worse than a flat can of coke.

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Reply by : quazi   View Profile   Since : 25 Feb 2019 2:03:15 PM Close

nonchristian

I think you came to wrong forum for an advice. Hope now you can see generally what you can get from here. You are already trashed and classified as 'second hand' and 'no other man is going to love you' etc. There are lot of righteous and holy people who never did any sin or can-do sin. For them abusing a woman mentally and physically and in certain cases sexually is all as per their righteous standards. They are privileged to do that and a woman is not allowed to question or get away from that relationship. Honestly is this a form of oppression and slavery? There are cases where sexual immorality took place from husband's side, but still the wife is forced to live with them as they are not allowed to divorce. Hey, these holy people have verse for everything though :) I have heard with my own ears people teaching younger woman, after marriage even if your husband is abusive, you need to put up with that. I am NOT saying everyone is like that. There are some even on this forum who give good advice, but they keep quite when these core issues are raised.

Now the best thing you can do is go as per the law of the land. These sick people should be punished to the maximum extend of law. For that matter it doesn't matter whether it’s KB, TB, or what religion or sect they belong to. Also, there are several women's rights organization where you can seek help and support.

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Reply by : nonchristian   View Profile   Since : 25 Feb 2019 8:04:55 PM Close

Quazi,

I am more than surprised to get this reply from you. It has definitely comforted me. Your God will definitely bless you. Like you pointed out, I can tell that women are oppressed and treated badly in this community. It is shocking that even in the 21st century, things like this happen. My husband used to beat me telling me to submit. I didn't even know what he meant. I am safe and happy now, most importantly I'm alive coz he did try to strangle me and kill me once. 'critic' kept talking about the "second hand" thing again and again in spite of me telling that I am alone and wish to be that way. I believe that what goes around comes around. It's just a matter of time. The worst thing in this forum is when I was asked to reveal my identity coz I knew for a fact that they were curious about which known family is putting the community in the negative limelight. I will not reveal the family or my identity as it will defame them (the family that abused me) and that's not what I wish for. I may not be a Christian but I am human and I can't return evil with evil. I am going to court as I have no other choice. If you could give me more details on the women's rights organization it will be very helpful. Thank you again for showing compassion, you are a good human being.

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Reply by : quazi   View Profile   Since : 26 Feb 2019 1:28:50 PM Close

nonchristian,
I do not have any personal association or interaction with organizations that support women. But have heard they are in Ernakulam, Thiruvananthapuram etc. Just do an internet search for organizations near your area. Call them and see how they can help you. It's a good thing that you have not revealed any identity, and in this regard, you maintained your decency. As you mentioned it's not only you and your family, but the other side also get impacted. One person did wrong that doesn't mean everyone one the other side are evil. Once the identity is revealed community/society tarnish the families. Hope you have support from your family side. You need to share all the aspects honestly with someone you can trust (a friend or a family member) including your mistakes as well and get guidance. Based on what you have stated, you been through a lot. But good you are keeping up your confidence. Whether to stay single or not, is your personal choice. But don't stay like that for the sake of community/society. At the end, being normal human beings we all have our mental, emotional, physical and companionship needs.

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Reply by : paizanjoe   View Profile   Since : 27 Feb 2019 7:14:44 AM Close

Hello Non-Christian

It really doesn’t matter if the person is a brethren or non-brethren. Violence in any form in a marriage is totally unacceptable. There are many self-righteous people here who will ask you everything including your bank details to verify your identity. I really never understood what they want from all this but yes and surprisingly they exist.

Go plead your case to the courts and let the law of the land prevail. Go to his assembly and make the proclamation to the elders of the assembly. Nobody can hide then. Unlike most brethren folks here in this forum (you know the lecturers who write volumes), there are people who can help you, you just need to connect with them. How? It all depends on where you are based.

In any case – God watches over all – and if what you say is sincere and true. He will deal with it soon.

Take care.

Joe 

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Reply by : nonchristian   View Profile   Since : 28 Feb 2019 6:51:45 PM Close

quazi,

Thanks for getting back on my message. I might be able to google the information about the women help group. The only thing I'm confused about is that when I asked him for a mutual divorce he is not willing. For a contested divorce I have to give out so much information about his family and the abuse which is not something I want to do but have no choice. It's been so difficult to make this person understand that he's destroyed me and I want to stay away. The whole family keeps saying it's common in a marriage. It's been so stressful. 

paizanjoe,

thanks for your message too. Atleast one or two people have humanity here. It gives me so much hope in humanity.

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Reply by : nonchristian   View Profile   Since : 28 Feb 2019 6:53:28 PM Close

Thanks for removing your toxic messages "critic". I can tell you have a heart atleast.

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