Is it scripturally correct for a believer boy to marry a believer girl older to him?

Dear jj3,

Nowhere in the Bible we see it saying one way or another. This is where the laws of the land, practical wisdom, common goals of couple etc.play an important role.

Tom Johns - MI

Dear "jj3" ,

I  don't disagree with Br.Tom, but the same time let me direct you the sequence of creation , God's plan for mankind, Adam was formed first , then Eve, this is the scenario  of the first couple in the scripture , It is clearly understood who is elder here.  Why Eve could not have been formed  first ? God has his own plan with respect to family.

 Ist Timothy 2

¹³For Adam was formed first, then Eve.

^{I st Corinthians 11}

⁸For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; ⁹neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

Yours in Christ

Sam

Dear Tom and Sam,

Brother Tom - I am not fully convinced when you mentioned that " We see it no where in the Bible". I do not know if we can explain this verse well if the wife is elder to the husband." Ephesians 5:23 - For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body."

Brother Sam - You mentioned that it is God's plan for mankind as we see this in creation. In that case is it not that wife should be younger to the husband as it is God's plan. Can again the customs prevailing in the land or practical wisdom alter God's plan. Can you please clarify.

Your brother in Christ,

J John.

Dear Br.Tom in Christ,

I am not at all against your statements, even my parents say the grandmother was a year older than my grandfather, I was just quoting the sequence of creation as per the scriptures, and later we see  old testament saints following the same order.

^"17 Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, "Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?" !""

When God arranged the sequence of creation the same is followed and the above is an example, later the new testament is silent because it was the procedure to be followed as from the yester years, no where it is said that women should be older, but it is stated that in the sequence of creation women was younger to man even let it be  a hour or day, and later the scriptures stated the difference of Abraham and Sarah, that Abraham was ten years older to Sarah.

Brother let us not mix up the questions and confuse others who are reading the posts, sure there might be  certain circumstances when women might be older to men at the time of marriage and sure they live blessed lives. I have quoted the example of my own grandparents. But I just stated what is written in the scriptures.

"This is where the laws of the land" In India a boy should be minimum 21 years and girl should be 18 years why it was not vice versa if they have to get married. Now brother you were speaking about the laws of the land , In America and many western countries, now India is also going to implement it with the influence of western countries , bi sexual &  homo Sexual Marriage is considered legal , Man can marry a man, Women can marrry a Women, forget about what the  scriptures says does the nature's law permit it. even animals have a respect towards thier own gender , God had a plan for human mankind, it was good in his sight, but satan also has his plan , he has made things so  flexible that many can get attracted towards his plans.

Yours in Christ

Sam.

Adam was created first and Eve was created second. Two points:

1. Scripture does not say that Adam's was created older than Eve or vice versa. Realize the difference between Adam being created first and Adam being created older. What we know is the sequence of creation and not the age of the persons created.

2. 1 Tim 2:13 is in the context of women in church. Not in marriage. Nevertheless, whether Adam was created older or younger is irrelavent for considering marraige between two people who are of age as no where in the Bible is there any reference for what is to be followed regarding age except that they should be of age. To make a rule out of what is not instructed in the Bible is legalism/man-made regulation.

Regards

Dear "believer.bible"

Out of the text - Who were Isaac and Rebekah's Children, when they were born and what does the word of God states the  relation of  children as .

Yours in Christ

Sam

 Aha... brother Tom Jones, let me quote you: God is the head of Christ. [1 Cor 11:3] How much older was God the Father to the Lord Jesus Christ? This is one of the finest statements I have seen on this forum in a long time. Thank God for your insight.

1. If your fine example of the president of the US being the head of the country, but not the oldest citizen only results in an unwarranted extrapolation into same gender marriages as allowed by the law... lets confine ourselves to the scripture for examples. Elders rule a local church and the congregation are subject to them by scriptural command. Are the elders the oldest folk around? Are there not brethren older than elders? Does this cause a problem in subjection? Of course not.

2. For the record, Adam and Eve, by virtue of being created on the SAME DAY (the 6th day of creation) are the same age. Adam was created a few hours before Eve.

What would if we find a scripture where God commanded a man to marry a woman older to him... and not as an exception brethren, but as a rule! Can we then put this question to rest amicably?

~ Babu

The scripture does not say otherwise, so lets be wise when we get into a relationship and seek God's plan instead of looking at the age factor or the NRI status or the education. These days people seek "professionally qualified" or  "fair" partners settled in  "Europe, US or Australia" only as seen on some KB postings. Age is far less an issue compared to the worldly things we go in search for while seeking a partner.

Dear brethren in Christ,

The decorum of the family is Father, mother and Children, it is not vice versa as Mother , Father and children, though  the new testament doesnt support the statement who should be older  at the time of marriage because it was the  natural phenomenon because  God made Man first and woman second a suitable partner for Man, and in the scriptures no where except the case of Abraham and Sarah thier specific ages were mentioned while refering to an incident . Age is a criteria for marriage , hence the laws of the land are particular about that , fixing the minimum age , usually all the countries of the world have the male genders age more than the female gender age and some keep the same age. There are physical and biological reason for the same.

The new testament though is silent about the age , the decorum of the family is clearly stated and husband to be the head of the family, brother Tom had quoted humorous comparisions , let us leave to the readers how they understand ,there are several families  which understands between themselves, but often more age of the female gender tend to name calling of the male gender which to me as per my view is not good. Age is a prime factor for respect and submission vice versa

Brother Babu george , Esau and Jacob were born on the same day just  some minutes before , what does the scriptures say about that

^{Genesis 25 24} When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. ²⁵ The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau. ^{[e] 26} After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau's heel; so he was named Jacob.

^{Genesis 27 1} When Isaac was old and his eyes were so weak that he could no longer see, he called for Esau his older son and said to him, "My son." 

Yours in Christ

Sam
     

^{DT 25:5} If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband's brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. ⁶ The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel.

Math 22:23 That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. ²⁴ "Teacher," they said, "Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and have children for him. ²⁵ Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. ²⁶ The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. ²⁷ Finally, the woman died. ²⁸ Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?"

In the second narrative where the same woman was married by all the seven brothers, under the Mosaic command in Deut 25, certainly some of the brother-in-laws would have been younger to the woman (their chechi or kochamma).

Bible instructs marriages like these also.

 Ah, Beracha has made mention of a LAW given by God. This is what I had in mind, when I said this is a rule, not an exception. Now, if God had wanted husbands to be older, he would not have given this law that would make the other void, right?

Judah's third son Shelah was to marry his late brother's wife Tamar, according to this principle. We read that Shelah was not even old enough to be married, whereas the widow Tamar had already been married twice. In Israel's history under the law, there would have been hundreds of marriages according to God's law where the wife was older than the husband.

If Adam being older than Eve (by a few hours) is a pattern for subsequent marriages, then we have a contradiction on our hands brethren..

~ Babu

Thank you brothers for bringing these passages out for further clarrifications. When I was writing about it, I did not think about these even though the verses / passages were familiar.

Tom Johns _ MI

Dear brethren who were responding the posts,

In every democratic process, the one with the majority is considered the correct. I had stated what was in the scriptures , and I didnt refer to any law which was given in the Old testament.  The question asked by the originator of the thread "Is is scripturally." We have come to a conclusion, by the result of one is to three brother, it can be both the ways.

Any way the undersaid lines  is not related to the thread , may I ask a simple querry to all the readers , might be God is mistaken in the process of the creation and in instituting a family , why the Laws of the Land in almost every place are so much particular that  males minimum age have to be elder than the females minimum age. What are the criterias which made them make a law like this .

Yours in Christ

Sam

The plain fact is:

There were families where the wife was older than the husband. They got married legally under a Biblical mandate.

The Bible would not allow something improper, questionable, and a bad example as a rule or exception.

Dear Samual,

Is this some diversion? The birth of Esau and Jacob has nothing to do with marriage unless you are suggesting something out of it. It would be interesting to see what you had in mind by bringing this topic.

"In every democratic process, the one with the majority is considered the correct. I had stated what was in the scriptures , and I didnt refer to any law which was given in the Old testament.  The question asked by the originator of the thread "Is is scripturally." We have come to a conclusion, by the result of one is to three brother, it can be both the ways."

I don't understand what you are getting at. God's laws are not democratic. What are the "both the ways" you have mind?

"might be God is mistaken in the process of the creation and in instituting a family"

Amazing statement. Since when did we start assuming that God makes mistakes especially in something like creation and the institution of marriage?

"why the Laws of the Land in almost every place are so much particular that  males minimum age have to be elder than the females minimum age. What are the criterias which made them make a law like this ."

I found a list of marriable ages for male and female on wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriageable_age

The difference in ages in most countries might be because girls are known to mature earlier than boys. Just a guess. I can be wrong.

It seems to be that some traditions, culture and personal preference are hard burned in our KB minds that Biblical guidelines can be superceded. There is one couple in my assembly where the wife is 10 years older than the husband. They are in their old age now. There are a couple of missionary friends I know where the wife is older. None of them broke any scriptural commandment.

I remember one famous KB person advicing young men on marraige during a conference:

"The ABCD of marriage"

"A" is for AGE - Wife must be a few years younger than husband

"B" is for BEAUTY -

"C" is for Character

"D" is for Dowry - "if someone offers dowry, don't reject it...there is nothing wrong in accepting what other's offer"

Telling.

 Dear Sam:

Nothing was decided here by a democratic majority. Brethren here showed scriptures to establish that relative age was and is not a criteria in a scriptural marriage. Nothing was established from human examples or law of the land, but exclusively from scriptures. We should cultivate the habit of yielding convictions to scripture. Please note that Jesus Christ referred to Adam and Eve to establish truths concerning permanency, separation, oneness (Matt 19:4-6) but never did God refer to Adam and Eve to establish AGE.

~ Babu

After reading all the previous posts and opposing views, I have a couple of question for the minds here:

For a young man who is diligently praying to the Lord for a spouse who is "meet for him" (per Gen 2:18 KJV), how likely is it for the Lord lead him to marry a considerably older woman as his spouse?

Also, if a young Christian man married an considerably older Christian woman, claiming that she is God's choice for him, how will the church believe his claim and not cry over gross impropriety?

Dear Moses2006,

These are hypothetical questions. As we face each situation the Lord would guide us through if we are truly looking for His guidance. If the laws of the land are not broken and the principles of the scriptures are not violated, we should leave it to the family or the couples making that decision.

Tom Johns_MI

Dear Br.Tom in Christ,

I personally thank you from the core of my heart for the kind words of consideration. Brother I never said anything from my own and I wrote, there are always exceptions, my brethren quoted the verses where exception was there and thanks a lot for the quoting the references . But from time of creation until this date this is the sequence which is followed by all sects of people caste creed and colour unless there were some exception. You already have answered in your reply what are the possibilities for the law of the land to fix the ages of male and female, it was one of the reason. There are several physical and biological criterias also when one gets into a married life. God is perfect in his creation, he made Man and for some time in this world, Man was alone and later God made Woman from Man so than Man will not be alone . The laws of the Land in this regard respects  God's creation.

Let it be any part of the world , when parents ( let it be born again or nominal christians or from other religions)seeking an alliance for thier children , if it is from the boys part, parents always seek for a girl of a lower age and vice versa parents  of the girl seek for older boy than the girl unless there are some unavoidable exceptions.

Some of my brothers have instructed me to cultivate the habit of yielding conviction to the scriptures, sure brothers I will do that , as I have been doing always, but I see the scriptures from the 1st verse of the bible in Genesis till the last verse in Revelation.

We cannot quote verses which suits our ideas and state that this is correct and other is wrong. The scripture is silent in this matter because God institued the family in the Garden of Eden we know how it was planned and made and  there was no need of an alternate opinion . Then when there were exceptional cases time to time answers were quoted in the scriptures.

Brethren age is factor with regard to headship in a family. I know my brethren would bounce back with some more answers , but I stick to God's sequence of creation and based on that the Laws of the Land.

Yours in Christ

Sam

Dear Tom,

Yes they are hypothetical questions and you can choose not to address them. Curiously, you did not consider 'jj3' original question as 'hypothetical'.

Anyway, I agree with you and others here that scripturally, there is nothing against a man marrying an older woman. But it is highly unlikely that such unions are from the leading of the Lord.

Tom Johns - MI

Dear Tom,

There is a reason why men marry younger women - more opportunity and better chance of having many children. Also, women normally outlive men, giving the children a more secure future. These are biological needs/instincts that God has put inside us. So it is not presumptuous to suspect the Lord's leading when a man wants to marry an older woman. But I agree there is nothing unscriptural about it.

 I think we certainly need a new thread to discuss 'How God leads a person in choosing a marriage partner'. If it is scriptural to marry an older woman, how then can we suspect the Lord's leading when a man wants to marry an older woman? Is it not contradicting ones own convictions?

~ Babu

Dear Brethren,

As per the previous discussions it is clear that God's design for a family is that the Husband should be older than the wife. This is by the pattern that God instituted in the Garden of Eden when he created Adam first. As God had already showed this design we do not see any instructions given by God later on the age.

In the Old Testament we could see statements made by different people where it is possible that the wife could be older than the husband. But again many of these were told by people who were living in sin.

The laws of marriage seen in Deutronomy were instructions given by God to a fallen mankind. The laws permit a brother to marry his brothers wife if he died without a child. There is no mention of age here.Because of sin, death entered the world and thus we can only conclude that God's design for a family which he instituted in the Garden of Eden could not be continued further.

We can also see that God gave importance to firstborn. The firstborn had the priviledge of leadership,responsibility and blessing. I feel it is always ideal to marry a woman who is younger to you as it is God's design. It is not that God has not approved the other marriages where the wife is older to the husband. If we want to stick on to God's design let us adhere to this principle that you marry a woman younger to you.

your brother in Christ,
J John.

J John,

"As God had already showed this design we do not see any instructions given by God later on the age."

I thought you said you had "seen the previous discussions". Or maybe you just ignored the scriptures in those discussions.

"The laws of marriage seen in Deutronomy were instructions given by God to a fallen mankind."

I was under the impression that every law given by God after Adam's disobediance was given to a fallen mankind. You also know that the commandment to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ is also given to a fallen mankind.

"We can also see that God gave importance to firstborn."

How does this have to do anything with marriage? An explanation would indeed be amusing unless you show some scripture too. Or did you really mean that God gave importance to "older husband"?

What is Interesting is to see a prevailent KB tendency at work - ignore scripture to comply with personal preferences and traditions and then make laws around it. Wasn't this the same thing that the Pharasees did?

Dear Brethren / John Williams,

Can you please answer few questions :

1) What can we understand from the scriptures when we read that God created Adam first when God instituted the first family ?

2) Why did God give importance to firstborn?

3) Why the scriptures mention Man to be accountable for his family ?

"But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. " 1 Timothy 5:8

5) Why is it mentioned that Man is the head of a woman ?

"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. " 1 Cor 11:3

We are living in an age where this design of God is not given importance.The world tries to prove Men and Women are equal in all things and that Woman is no longer a weaker vessel.

The design which God has for a family is seen again in God's design of Church too.

Let us try to stick on to God's design for a family.

your brother in Christ,

J John.

Hi J John:

Can you clarify two points you made in your posts:

QUOTE : the pattern that God instituted in the Garden of Eden when he created Adam first. How do we conclude this is a pattern?

QUOTE : The design which God has for a family is seen again in God's design of Church too. What did you mean by God's design for the church?

~ Babu

Hi Brethren / Babu George,

Here is the clarification for the two points :

1) "And the Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. And the man said, 'This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:22-24) - Woman is taken out of Man and not the reverse. Thus we can understand who should be older. This is God's design for a family.

2) Revelation 19:7-9 - (19:7) "Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. (8) And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. (9) And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God." - Christ is the Bridegroom and Church is the Bride. First it is Christ then the Church. This is God's design for the church.

Meanwhile please give your thoughts on my earlier questions :

1) What can we understand from the scriptures when we read that God created Adam first when God instituted the first family ?

2) Why did God give importance to firstborn?

3) Why the scriptures mention Man to be accountable for his family ?

"But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. " 1 Timothy 5:8

5) Why is it mentioned that Man is the head of a woman ?

"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. " 1 Cor 11:3

Marriage is not a human origin but ordained by God, in which Adam was first created. Those who want to marry older women, let them do it.  But  let us not justify such actions from the Word of God.

your brother in Christ,

J John.

Headship –

Regarding headship of Family, State, Church etc:  does the Bible insist headship for the “Oldest Male” or just the male?

Can such male heads have older members, including males, reporting / submitting to them?

Headship -

Does the Bible say anything about the "HEADSHIP" of the FAMILY, STATE & CHURCH? 

It says, man as the head of woman, Christ as head of the church. but nothing about head of the state?

 Dear JJohn:

It is true that Eve was taken out of Adam. It is true that Adam was created before Eve. My question was... how did this become a pattern for us? Does the scripture say or imply that this is a pattern? How do we decide which is a pattern and which is just a historic event with spiritual significance?

You quoted Rev 19:7-9. I did not see 'church' in this portion. How come you saw it?  I did not see 'Christ' in this portion. How come you saw it?

~ Babu

Adam and Eve's children also procreated by marrying one another.  Isaac married his first cousin.  So did Jacob.  Are we to make patterns out of these?  Why then, should we establish a pattern out of the fact that Adam was created first?

Perhaps one can argue that creation was the biggest event in the Old Testament and therefore we should pay special attention to that.  Fine.  But from where are we to learn the appropriate age of the male and the female?  This interpretation and application is, at best, fitting the Bible to our own preconceived notions.

The only lesson to be learned is that the boy should leave his father and mother and cleave unto the bride.

(Incidentally here, it should be noted that the married couple living in the home of the boys parents can explicitly be pointed out as unscriptural, since the boy is instructed to leave his father and mother).

What if the boy and girl are living in the girl's parent's house? Is that scriptural?

 Quote: "Incidentally here, it should be noted that the married couple living in the home of the boys parents can explicitly be pointed out as unscriptural".

Joyboy, be careful here. The Lord Jesus Christ is going to take His bride to HIS FATHER'S HOUSE (John 14). 

Bro Lemuelraj: I was trying to make the point that t's more scriptural to establish the principle that the boy should not bring his wife to his parents home because both the genesis account and the Lord himself make it clear that the man is to leave his father's house and cleave to the woman.    Adam being created first isn't a principle, it's a pattern by which some draw a conclusion.  The leaving hte house is an explicitly stated principle

Yes, the Lor'd and his Church is a picture of marriage, and yes, the Lord is going to take us to His father's home, but remember, not every metaphor, picture and type in scripture is a absolute perfect representation of the original. 

 Dear Joyboy. Scripture does not say that a man should leave his father's HOUSE. It says that a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife, not wife's house nor her father's house. The leaving and cleaving is about emotional attachment. If we make Scripture to force men to leave their father's HOUSE and setup a nuclear family (as a rule), then we run into lot of problems because the OT is full of examples with patriarchal houses. I know of some evangelists who have used this Scripture to teach that nuclear family is the Scriptural order, but they are in gross error.

In Christ Jesus

Moses

 PS: Nuclear families are NOT unscriptural. God has not set rules in one way or the other. So we have the liberty to do what we want in this matter. His commandment to Abraham to leave his father's house was individual.

1 Titus 2:3-5 said "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

The woman is to be home oriented. This is not a minor role. This is THE major role. Paul said the woman to build home and the man provide for the home through the participation of the marketplace.

In today's society though, the home is viewed very lowly. It is viewed as a place to sleep and eat so you can go back to the marketplace. Caring for a home is hard work, just as hard as going to the office, and satisfying, just as satisfying as being promoted.

A woman is by nature caring. Look at jobs that require high amount care, like nurses and counselors, isn't the majority women? Women just care more than man. They are more sensitive and more capable of love.

This is because women are made to be men's helpers. Genesis 2:20-22 said, "So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, He took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then God made a woman from the rib He had taken out of the man, and He brought her to the man." Helpers is again not a diminishing role. The Holy Spirit is described in the bible as our helper.

"Modern" women is always thinking, why should I be helper? I want to be the leader or equal. I want to be independent. This is a distorted view. Helper and leader is equal but different. The leader needs the helper and so does the helper need the leader. Women think this way today because we were taught pride is the highest virtue. Your self-esteem is the most important thing in the world. But the bible preaches humility is the highest virtue and love is the most important thing in the world.

A man NEED his wife to be dependent on him. It is very important for a man to feel important. This has nothing to do with self-esteem. This is him. Just like a woman need his husband to love her. That is her. We are all made to be dependent on each other and as a community

KPR

Agreed KPR. None of that depends on who is younger or older though.

Yeah Now Coming to the point, Mr BB
Men marry younger women and women prefer to marry older men, in general. But is it spirituality, culture, genetics or the environment that drives such a choice—
My excerpt above is on the spiritual aspect;
I cannot cannot comment on culture since it is diversified
But for genetics - typically wife should be 6 years younger to the husband bcoz,
It is the age at which the woman begins bearing children that is the biggest factor in survival, the paper in Genitic Biology suggests: Younger women, in general, bear more healthy children. Marrying an older woman or much older man proved the most detrimental to reproductive success.

So guys dont fight and be swayed away from the subject ;)

KPR

(http://arjournals.annualreviews.org/)

KPR, this is not about survival of the fittest but about scripture.

I didn't mean that though you thought that way; Mindful of the fact, Everything is based on scripture for a Christian; but there is nothing wrong in  the demographics, survey, journal since that is inherent in the nature controlled by GOD. In desiring the will of God, Your partner is the best gift that God can give you; God can work above genetics, sociality, culture if we honor His acceptance in our life. Thatzz all. Again I was not formulating a universal rule of thumb here; God bless

KPR

was not this entire discussion an utter waste? let us look for some constructive discussion.

Dear Brother Sam,

The question was about scriptural reference regarding the age of the couple. From all these bible references we cannot come to the conclusion that the husband should be older than his wife.

When scripture is silent about anything, we should not run on to any conclusion using our own wisdom. By specifically revealing Abraham and Sarah's age what we can understand from that portion is about God's power over impossible things. (here their old age).

If God was particular about the age of the couple, then He would have sure revealed in the scripture. If it is not revealed, then we have no right to come to any conclusion citing the wordily examples.

Thanks

Raju Antony

"Is it scripturally correct for a believer boy to marry a believer girl older to him?"

I don't think that it is said anywhere in the Bible that the husband has to be older than the wife. In my opinion, it doesn't matter.

Cheers

Archeleus.