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# 00032 :  referring the partner
what is the mistake in calling the husband by name?
Post by : cc  View Profile    since : 4 Feb 2003


Reply by : Appachan   View Profile   Since : 4 Feb 2003 7:14:28 AM Close
Did he slap on your face?
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Reply by : sally   View Profile   Since : 4 Feb 2003 7:53:50 PM Close
Seriously - what do people think?

Especially in the western world, its becoming a norm for wives to call their husbands by name. I have also heard that some (young)husbands have told their (young)wives to call them by name (rather than wives choosing to call them by name)

I know that Sarai called her husband Abraham as "lord". That is the example we have to follow. And personally I call my husband with respect.

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Reply by : gincy   View Profile   Since : 7 Feb 2003 12:42:43 AM Close
calling life partner by name dosn't loose respect
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Reply by : curious   View Profile   Since : 31 Mar 2003 5:45:45 AM Close
Does NT have any verse that discourages reffering of husbands by name OR is it just a kerala culture that is adopted
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Reply by : Opinion   View Profile   Since : 22 Apr 2003 12:49:16 PM Close
If you and your husband think from the depth of your hearts that, calling name is respectful, you can do that. But people from Kerala will have difficulty to accept that. If you have any other word in your language, which will give more respect, you should use that. If you could not find a word, which will give more respect, there is no other option than calling name. If you find more respectful words to call Elder Brothers, Elder brothers in church, Parents, Elder relatives, then it is not justifiable to call your husband with his name.
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Reply by : sally   View Profile   Since : 22 Apr 2003 7:18:20 PM Close
I never thought of it in the way "Opinion" puts it, but I think its a great point. I have to find out from my American friends whether they have any "respectful" names to call their elder siblings\husbands, in English that is. That might explain why they tend to call names. I know that many of them do have their own loving way of refering to their partner, other than their official names. So that might be their way of respect.

At least we are taught from early on that calling names is not a respectful thing. How many of you want (your kids or you) to call their teachers by name? Do you want to call your parents by name? Why not - the only reason is that its not respectful. If that is the case, how can you call your husband by name when the Bible asks you to respect your husband?

Of late, many people think its honorable and fashionable to call everyone else by name. I have seen little kids as young as 4 or 5 yrs old calling adults by their name. Who taught them other than their own parents?

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Reply by : Mr. Husssss   View Profile   Since : 30 Jun 2003 1:33:34 PM Close
Ha ha ha. Expect a generation who will call their husbands like this; " Edai, vannu chaya kudikadai...." hahaha
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Reply by : Faith   View Profile   Since : 4 Jul 2003 2:38:39 PM Close
Try to understand between biblical doctrine and tradition & culture. There is no biblical doctrine which says that you should not call your husband by name. I know wonderful and wonderful christians who calls each other by name. So its not a doctrine. But we have some tradition and culture, if one want to keep up that culture and tradition, as long as there is nothing wrong in the tradition, we can follow that. Calling by name doesn't loose any respect if both have real love.
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Reply by : Jonathan   View Profile   Since : 8 Jul 2003 6:14:34 PM Close
Respect is two way. The husband must respect his wife, not in a reverent way, but he must respect her too.

Marriage is a 2 way street. Give and take on both sides.

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Reply by : shalom   View Profile   Since : 30 Aug 2003 10:39:29 PM Close
If you are outside India, address husbands like Americans: Sweetheart, Honey, Dear, or like in North India: Krupaya Suniye, Dekho, etc. Husbands may also call wives in the same fasion. If you feel embarrassed before children when they would have grown up, call them something else, like "Daddy" or "Mummy" as a way for referring to the dad or mother of your children, and when alone, call them the sweet names. But let our children learn respect for husband and wife from us. Let them not hear us call each other abominable addressings like: Ningal, Eda, Poda, Mattavane, Edeee, podi, assathe, bhadrakali, kalan etc. May God's name be glorified through the way we address our life partners.

More hillarious options are: Ente Manavalane, Ennil Kaninjavae, or Kante, Ente Manavatee, Priye, etc. Remember, he or she is yourself, your body, your soul and your other side. Treat with respect, privately and publically.

He is the King and She is the Queen. Or At least ought to be!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Reply by : ba   View Profile   Since : 6 Jan 2005 1:15:41 PM Close
Scripture says, "Do not call anyone Rabbi because you have one Rabbi- that is your lord. Do not call anyone teacher because you have one teacher your lord."

If you call your husband by any special name, You are perverting the scripture, and violating this commandment. Therefore, call that special name for you huband unto Jesus Christ. Obedience!!

Thank You.

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Reply by : mrs.thomas   View Profile   Since : 11 Jan 2005 1:13:52 AM Close
I pesrsonally dont think you should call your husband by his name. like opinion said, if you have a respectful name for the elders of the family and church, you should have one for your husband too.
I have known my husnband for a long time, i called him by name all that time and when he became my husband, i chose another name to call him with respect.so i think the young wives, should respect their husbands , call them dearly affectionate with a special respectful name and the name of the Lord will surely be glorified by that
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Reply by : em   View Profile   Since : 4 Feb 2005 12:13:47 AM Close
Reply to 'jonathan' - Love is what the bible says that men should do for their wives - respect is what women give to their husbands! But hey in all reality - us wives take anything
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Reply by : betsy   View Profile   Since : 21 Apr 2005 10:46:32 PM Close
BUT IF HUSBAND WANTS HIS WIFE TO CALL HIM ONLY BY HIS NAME ..THEN ????
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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 24 Apr 2005 2:00:32 PM Close
I see! There is nothing wrong in calling husband his name. He is your husband. Sarai called her husband "Adonai". Sometimes she laughs also. By the way, are you planning to wear wedding ring? That is what I want to know.
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Reply by : friend7   View Profile   Since : 21 Jan 2006 9:56:48 AM Close
After I got engaged to my husband( 7 yrs back)Iasked him what he wanted me to call him & he promptly said .....my name but I just couldn't do that ....first of all , he is 5 yrs older to me........& I think the first step towards being a submissive wife is by giving respect to your husband.
Would we dare to call our bosses at work by their names...NO can't even think of it right???
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Reply by : peace   View Profile   Since : 22 Jan 2006 3:54:43 AM Close
Well, friend7, you might be surprised. In the organisation where I work, we call each other(even the big bosses) by our first name. It's an international company. There is one sister who works with me, I call her by her name too. If I was to call her 'Aunty' or 'Ammama' my collegues would think I'm weird and she would be embarassed too. This is the gulf and this is how it is here.

But I guess the topic here is how do you address your husband. It's different in Kerala and different in other places.

I believe that we have the liberty to choose, as long as our choice does not hinder the growth of our fellow brethren.

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Reply by : elsie   View Profile   Since : 25 Jan 2006 7:37:03 AM Close
Dear ones, here the question is calling husband his name. In other words how to address husband.The key is respect and submissiveness.when we address him, it should reflect love,humility, respect and pleasing to him.First of all let him accept what he want his wife address him. If both have mutual understanding and no offence why there is a problem?Some call Achayan which is in our side of kerala uncle. Some call Daddy,Appachan,Pappa, so on which is father.Some call some code word, which only they understand. So it all depend how much you respect your husband and how humble you are and how much love you give to your husband. I do'nt think any hard and fast rule or scriptural doctrine in this matter, but let us love our husband and be submissive to him.
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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 30 Jan 2006 1:37:05 PM Close
Quote from elsie;

"In other words how to address husband.The key is respect and submissiveness.when we address him, it should reflect love,humility, respect and pleasing to him."

Remember these verses before calling him anything:

Ephesians 5:21

21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (NIV)
21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (KJV)

THAT SHOULD IN THE FEAR OF GOD.

Colossians 3:18,19
18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

IT SHOULD BE FITTING IN THE LORD. HUSBAND MUST LOVE HIS WIFE.

Colossians 3:22
do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord.

1 Peter 3:1
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

THAT IS THE BEHAVIOR OF WIFE.(PURITY AND REVERENCE OF OUR LIFE)


1 peter 3:7
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Few points:

Husband respect your wife because she is the weaker patner.
Wife is heirs of the gracious gift of life with husband.

Why do husband has to respect and love wife. Because otherwise that will hinder his prayers.

So what should wife do?
submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. That is our purity and behaviour.

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Reply by : lemuelraj   View Profile   Since : 2 Feb 2006 9:07:41 AM Close
"Even as Sara OBEYED Abraham, calling him lord.." (1 Pet 3:6).

If there is no OBEDIENCE, no matter how respectfully one calls her husband, it is in vain. I have seen some taking objection to the word "obedience" and insisting that it is only "submission." But the Bible requires women "to be ... OBEDIENT to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed" (Titus 2:5).

So, obedience comes first, before thinking about what to call one's husband.

The oriental culture has some good things that match with Biblical practices. As Sara called her husband respectfully, women many cultures in India (Kerala and Andhra included), and I guess even in some asian countries (eg. Japan)respectfully address their husbands. Another example is how the orientals entertain guests with respect, as in Gen 18, mentioned in Heb 13:2.

Of course, in the modern world some women get embarrassed to call their husbands by certain respectful terms, which is ok, as long as the respect is there in the heart, and in actions.

I have seen some modern young women using "ji" at the end of their husband's name. One lady in our church adds "saab" to her husbands name. Another Malayalee lady calls her husband "Achayan." On the other hand, I know a Christian couple over 60 and retired, and the lady calls her husband by his name.

Moses LemuelRaj

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Reply by : holly   View Profile   Since : 2 Apr 2006 10:04:03 PM Close
Some of them call their husband achaya and all when they are in public, at home they dont give any respect at all. This is happening in beleivers also. I feel the respect should come from bottom of your heart, then u can call him name also. When u work out side Kerala then u wont be able to tell your collegues :excuse me please tell me my achayan calls. Def you will have to use the name. Each person will have different opinion.My husband always tells me to call him by name, but i never called him till today by his name.
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Reply by : etoile   View Profile   Since : 14 Apr 2006 9:46:07 PM Close
my parents call each other by name, my mother says "Brett, do this, do that" and my father says "Michel, do this do that"..is this disrespectful to each of them? i dont think that if my father even asked my mother to call him by a different name she would, or vice versa. i dont understand how this is disrespectful..i guess its because i am not from the same culture and country..i would never dare call someone older than me by their first name, even my aunt i say "aunty magda"..but how is it so disrespectful for a husband and wife to call eachother by their name?? please explain this to me..thank you
in His love..etoile
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Reply by : elsie   View Profile   Since : 20 Apr 2006 11:37:09 PM Close
Dear Sunila,"submitting to one another in the fear of God ephe:5:21 is explained in the following passages. please note that. 1,Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church,and He is the saviour of the body. 5:22-23.2, Children,obey your parents in the lord,for this is right 6:1-4. 3,Bondservants,be obedient to those who are your master according to the flesh,with fear and trembling in the sincerity of heart as to christ 6:5_9 In these passages it does not mention that husbands,parents and the masters to submit to their wives, children and bond servants respectively. The commands to submit or obey is given to wives, children and the bond servants.Submission should include the sharing of your thoughts and feelings. Submission does not include the immoral. Don't break the law of the Lord..Submission does not include the illegal. Don't break the law of the land. Submission may include the heart breaking but not the life threaning. Now what is your point?
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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 10 May 2006 8:05:22 PM Close
Elsie,

I didn't see your note for me. I saw it today.


I have no point. I agree with you. I give more importance to the verse Ephesians 5:31-33

31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."[a] 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must RESPECT her husband.

Colossians 3:18-19

18Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.


That submission, fear etc must not be an outcome of slavery. IT MUST BE FITTING IN THE LORD. IT MUST BE IN THE FEAR OF GOD. That doesn't mean that everything husband do is acceptable and wife should be submissive. WIFE MUST RESPECT HER HUSBAND. Because 1 Corinthians 11:3 says,

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

That doesn't mean husband is right always.
Because in Peter 3:1
Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

That means wives must take a secrect responsibility of her family including her husband and children and she must have fear of God and a prayerful life in order to control (actually that is the word) the day today life of the family. She has freedom and love in the family. She must be responsible.

That is the behaviour of the wife. (purity and respect others)


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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 10 May 2006 9:01:04 PM Close
Elsie,

I have one more point to add. The conclusion is "it is wife's decision making".

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Reply by : elsie   View Profile   Since : 11 May 2006 9:56:49 AM Close
Dear sisters,In genesis 3:16 God said to Eve,"your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you" here god put the woman a state of subjection,put undre the dominion of her husband under her own disposal.This is not a curse.This is God's order of administration in the family. This is the shadow of church to Christ. We all need to have the mind of our Lord Jesus as in phil: 2:5. the mind of a bond servant,obedience to the master. Whatever the God's words insruct us we need carefully examine and obey wthout any hesitations. If God command us to be submissive to our husbands just obey as to the Lord. That means we are submissive to the Lord.It comes from the heart not from any external compulsion.When we see that way we may have no problem. when we face difficulty just tell the Lord He will instruct us what to do.
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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 11 May 2006 11:01:23 AM Close
Dear Elsie,

You are right. Our desire will be for our husband. Husband and wife desire is not like agape love. Agape love is the love of God or Christ for mankind. The bretherly or spiritual love of one christian for another, corresponding to the love of God for man. Or unselfish love of one person for another without sextual implications, That is bretherly love.

If husband and wife love and respect each other in the fear of God, there is freedom and obedience in the family. Wife will call her husband what she is supposed to call him or as the desire of her husband. If the wife take the wise decision few of the families amoung us would have a better life in relation with their children. Husbands expect a clean, well managed, peace home when he comes home. It is the fear of God. Wife stay home with a positive attitude and prayerful life, children and husband will be happy to come home. Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 11 May 2006 11:29:47 AM Close
Elsie,

God will ask Adam, "Who gave you the apple?". Here comes the problem. Adam will say, "God, the person whom you gave me to live with gave me the apple?. Difficulty is already there from our part. It is Eve who made the mistake. She didn't take the right decision. Because she was away from God and her husband. You can be away from your husband only for prayer. If the difficulty come from wife's part, how can you tell God and ask His instruction. It is submission which must be in fitting to the Lord.

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Reply by : elsie   View Profile   Since : 16 May 2006 9:16:33 AM Close
Dear sunila, I agree with you and thank God for your insight. One correction, God did'nt ask Adam "who gave you the apple" God asked, Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat?Then to woman,"What is this you have done? note, God did'nt ask any questian to the serpent.God knew very well what had happened. We are responsible for each one. We are responssible for the commands that given to us. When He said to be submissive be submissive. There is no "If" in that.just obey. There is a tendency that satan will bring all possible reasons not to obey that command like all others. be care full no matter what the situation is we need to obey God that's it.
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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 16 May 2006 9:52:59 PM Close
Dear elsie,

I talked about Adam and Eve in a colloquial way. I uderstood you very well. It is correct that we must be submissive. I am one of those who does. We cannot do anything without his permission. If we are doing without his permission it is not family life. Thankyou for your special note for me.

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