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Keralabrethren.net: Sisters' Forum: embaressed question

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# 00042 :  embaressed question
hi, i am very embaressed to ask this question b'cos of its nature. I am a born again person now working in england. i was recently married and my husband is still in india. b'cos of the long saperation from him i am having a lot of physical urges which are very distracting and to relieve myself i resort to self stimulation, but all the while thinking abt my husband only. i feel very guilty afterwords. could any body , especially ladies , please advice me
Post by : s1  View Profile    since : 20 May 2004


Reply by : ebmathews   View Profile   Since : 20 May 2004 3:33:52 PM Close
Dear sr: Embarrassed! Please go back to India to join with your husband and wait till he get the visa to England .Then both shall be together till the death depart you. When you are married You are married to be together. not to be seperated. You have no other choices just go and stay with your husband. He feels the same way. ok? Meanwhile self control is the best. that is the fruit of the Holy spirit. Do'nt forget you are a child of God.Obey the Lord in everything what you do. May God bless you.
Sr: Elsie
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Reply by : Varghese   View Profile   Since : 21 May 2004 9:48:46 AM Close
1 Corinthians 7:5 - "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

We must know our limits and do all within our power to live together as husband & wife. This is the will of God and often an area where the devil exploits.

God Bless!

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Reply by : s1   View Profile   Since : 21 May 2004 12:08:29 PM Close
sr. elsi i have not come away from home because i enjoy it..you may not be aware but there are many people who are financially not as sound as u are and both partners may have to work.
i am trying to find out wheather it is scrpturally wrong to do the things i mentioned without any lustful thoughts.
many times it happens that we engage in certain thngs but we want to hide the fact even from ourselves. I know of many young people who do so but are afraid to ask any advice on this because of the holier than thou attitude adopted by many.
could someone please guide me scripturally...or from persoal experience.
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Reply by : ebmathews   View Profile   Since : 21 May 2004 11:59:37 PM Close
Dear sister, Marriage is to cherish and to enjoy. once you get married the first few years are the most beautiful and sweet time that the husband and wife spend time together. Sex is the most blessed and enjoyable relationship that God has given to the married coupples to share and enjoy as much as possible. The honey moon is specially meant for that. That is a natural entertainment that the husband and wife make use of it as much as possible. In your case as many others happened to go through this type of seperation which is not good .It can affect physically and mentally. whether you are a christian or non christian the marriage relationship and the sexual desire and the urge will be the same. Whatever you are doing is ok. Nothing wrong in it. As Br: Varghese mentioned it should not give any room for temptations. If you are satisfied with what you are doing go ahead and do it . I am so sorry about you. You are not the only one suffering like this. Seperation soon after marriage is a terrible thing. that is why I said if possible take leave and go to your husband and stay with him or try to bring him as soon as possible .The scipture clearly say that the husband and wife should live together. Now we made this rule that both husband and wife should work to maintain living. I am not getting in to that subjuct. Any way I am sorry if I offend you. I am a grandmother. I also worked but I never had your experience. So I hope that someone with your experience may come forward to help you.
May god bless you.
Sr: Elsie.
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Reply by : concerned   View Profile   Since : 6 Oct 2004 1:15:27 PM Close
You said that you are recently married and again says long seperation. How can you be recently married and have long seperation? You should get control over your urges from your self will. You spend more time in reading Holy Scrpture and meditate instead of viewing wrong things in the TV or other medias which force you to do wicked things. Even if you have no control over you why do you want to mention to the public and say that you are born again.Tell Jesus about your problems. He will give you proper guidance. No one else can have mercy on you. Wait till your husband join you. Behave like normal women. God bless you.
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Reply by : lizageorge   View Profile   Since : 30 Oct 2004 3:29:57 PM Close
DEAR SIS,GOD BRINGS ACOUPLE TOGETHER SO THEY MAY ENJOY ALL THINGS AND EVERY THING IN THEIR LIFE TOGETHER.EVE WAS TEMPTED BY SATAN WHEN ADAM WAS NOT WITH HER.YES, EVERY LIVING HUMAN BEING HAS THE NATURAL URGES. BUT BEING A CHRISTIAN AS SOMEONEELSE MENTIONED BEFORE, SELFCONTROL IS AMUST. THIS IS A PLEASURE THAT YOU AND YOUR DEAR HUS.SHOULD BE ENJOYING TOGETHER. WHEN YOU INDULGE YOURSELF IN SELFGRATIFICATION YOU ARE BEING SELFISH.YOU ARE DEPRIVING YOUR SOULMATE OF THE PLEASURE OF GIVING YOU THE PLEASURE AND ALL THE WHILE ENJOYING HIS SHARE AS WELL.ONCE YOU START SELFGRATIFYING WAYS, SOON YOU WILL GET COMFORTABLE W/IT AND THAT WILL BECOME A SOURCE OF ENJOYMENT WITHOUT YOUR HUS.YOU DO NOT NEED HIM ANY MORE, RIGHT!DEAR SISTER, LISTEN TO THE WORD OF GOD, OBEY THE HOLY SPIRIT,BECOZ YR. BODY IS THE TEMPLE OF GOD AND WHEN WE GO AGAINST THE WILL OF GOD WE WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR THE CONSEQUENCES.SO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR YOU BOTH TO BE TOGETHER OFTEN AS TIME OR FINANCES ALLOW. OR FIND A JOB WHERE YOU BOTH CAN BE TOGETHER AND RAISE A FAMILY.fERVENT PRAYER AND SUBMISSION TO THE HOLYSPIRIT IS CALLED FOR HERE. VERY IMPORTANT-PRAY THAT GOD MAY GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO GO ON TILL THE NEXT TIME WITH YOUR HUSBAND, LET YOUR HUSBAND KNOW OF YOUR FEELINGS.NEVER HIDE YOUR NEEDS FROM HIM. A GODLY LOVING HUSBAND WILL UNDERSTAND ANDWILL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND SO SHOULD YOU. DAILY E-MAIL AND FREQUENT TELEPHONE CONVERSATIONS ANDLETTERS SHOULD BECOME A HABIT FOR BOTHOF YOU. REMEMBER,JUST AS OUR LIFEIS HIDDEN IN CHRIST'S,THERE IS NO 'YOU' APART FROM YOUR HUSBAND AND NO 'MR.HUS.' APART FROM YOU. PRAY THIS LETTER WILL HELPYOU IN YOUR SEPARATION FROMYOUR DEARONE.
A NOTETO THE GRANDMOTHER WHO WROTE BEFORE,PLEASE DO NOT ADVISE ANYONE ANYMORE.IF YOU WERE A GODLY WOMAN,MOTHER OR G/M YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE TOLD THIS POOR GIRL TO GO AHEAD AND DO WHATEVER SHE IS DOING.HAVE YOU EVER OPENED THE BIBLE ATLEAST ONCE IN YOUR LIFE TIME. PLEASE OPEN THE BIBLE AND SEE WHAT THE HOLY SPIRIT HAS MENTIONED THERE.
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Reply by : ba   View Profile   Since : 6 Jan 2005 12:51:32 PM Close
Dosent scripture say, "The body is the temple of the holy spirit".

You are greiving the holy spirit with your sin. You are comminting the unforgivable sin.

Thank you.

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Reply by : karen   View Profile   Since : 29 Mar 2005 12:27:12 AM Close
hi sis. s1
i appreciate your boldness to put this subject before the forum. Many are facing this problem now a days because the number of seperated couples are increasing day by day due to several reasons. Most of them do not want to discuss their feelings in public. I too was living alone after my marriage and i also had physical urges. The only way out was to engage in other activites such as reading listen to music or do some stitching to divert my thoughts. Meditation also will help u a lot. scripturally, what u do is wrong. hope u will join ur husband soon n u will start ur happy married life.
with christian love
karen
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Reply by : brownsugar   View Profile   Since : 31 Mar 2005 2:20:59 PM Close
This posting suspended     
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Reply by : gi****   View Profile   Since : 3 Apr 2005 3:43:28 AM Close
dearest sr. lizageorge,

pls be kind enough to answer me.In ur previous letter 2 the embarrased sister, u said that, it was wrong to indulge in self stimulation, n u call that as "SELFISH".pls remember the fact once more that, this young gurl is away from her husband.If she was living with her husband, and still doing the same thing, you can call it selfish.The Bible says "THE BODY IS THE TEMPLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT".Sex is a gift which God has given all married couples to enjoy.I'm sure u agree with that.I know of many couples who help each other to indulge in self stimulation,even while they are together.So wuts wrong, if they do the same thing, when they are far away,as long as they are thinking of each other ONLY.In what way, are we grieving the HOLY SPIRIT.I'll agree with you, If u say that self gratification before marriage is wrong.God has not given us the right for that.Looking for a job, or indulging in someother activity is only a temporary solution.But it will not kill the urge.Isn't it better that she thinks about her husband, and satisfies herself, rather than burn with the passion, and commit sin with another man?
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Reply by : drjcp   View Profile   Since : 4 Apr 2005 10:32:14 AM Close
Dear Sisters,

most of us men who spend a lot of time in the General Discussion Forum do not enter your forum mainly because we believe there are many mature women in this section who are able to give biblically mature counsel.

However, some of us do check the entries, and have been noticing with alarm the way in which an occassional mocker or prying animal comes in here. This is just a warning to be careful of these people.

The very fact that the "gi****" above has made someone, and that also a lady, his or her "dearest" in the first posting here should definitely sound alarm bells in your mind.

On top of that, this fellow seems to be a peeping tom [no woman, I am sure, would use this pen-name].

Kindly notice the definition of the word "gi****"
========================
girl·ie also girl·y
adj. Informal

Featuring minimally clothed or naked women typically in pornographic contexts: gi**** magazines.
=========================

The definition is from Dictionary.Com and you can double check it in other dictionaries.

Beware of such people, who obviously have a pervert mind, and would love to pry upon the emotions of lonely women to satisfy their own lust.

Johnson C. Philip
www.Bible4u.Info

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Reply by : gi****   View Profile   Since : 4 Apr 2005 1:45:44 PM Close
To Mr. Johnson c phillip,

sorry I pickep up a name like that.Thanx to you, now, I know the meaning of it.I'm not an like animal like u think.I'm not here either to pry at anyone.Forget the fact that u didn't like my name....You may know the Brethren doctrines, and all the verses in the Bible, But YOU still can't answer the posting above, whatever doctor you are.If for any reason, u wanna accuse me and not so ever regard the posting above, pls. don't bother to reply!!!!!!

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Reply by : drjcp   View Profile   Since : 5 Apr 2005 12:18:04 AM Close
Dear Gi****

it would be better for you to be where your "mask" suggests you are.

You use English pretty well, so it is not all that easy to accept that you did not know the meaning of the word "gi****". Or are you the only young man among your friends who does not talk about the "Birds and the Bees".

What is in one's heart comes out of his/her mouth

Johnson C. Philip
[As to what kind of a doctor I am, those who know, know, and those who do not know, do not know. What difference does it make]

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Reply by : George P. Koshy   View Profile   Since : 5 Apr 2005 8:54:51 AM Close
'gi****,'

Dr. Johnson C. Philip is very kind to you. I say this, because he wrote that you use English pretty well. I don't think so. Many of the words you used in your postings are not in the English vocabulary. I thought that you are writing Ebonics or something. You know that Ebonics is spoken in California. If you reply this in Ebonics or in any other deformed language, I don't know that language. You have to write in real English, or in Malayalam, using real words that appear in English or Malayalam dictionaries. If you write in Malayalm, it should be in Malayalam script.

(Note: Did you know that Malayalam is a heavenly language? If you read 'MALAYALAM' from the left or from the right, it is the same. There is no difference. A thought to tickle your mind!!! There is a fallacy in this arguement. It is yours to find out.)

Shalom malekim!!!

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Reply by : lizageorge   View Profile   Since : 6 Apr 2005 2:02:43 PM Close
GI****,
I am not your "Dearest" and Pls. do not assume that just because a female name appears on the forum a couple times,she becomes familiar for you to call her your 'dearest".

answer to your questions:
Pls read : 1 Corinthians ch.7/ 2,3.4&5
these verses are pretty much self-explanatory, even a child can understand.

"your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit"

And one of the charecterisitics of the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT is SELF CONTROL.Gal.5/22

In other words, if you have the Holy spirit in you, you will follow His commands and leading and guiding in your life, and

if you have the Holy Spirit in you, you will have SELFCONTROL.

We all feel sorry for those couples who,live far from each other.
but let me point out that, that is against the will of God.

Once you are married you are supposed to stay together, you are supposed to be away from each other with MUTUAL CONSENT, only for prayer(personal Quiet time)because we may be tempted to act otherwise.

Now the question of Job situations arise?

Are we willing to live by faith as we always say?
At any cost we should be able to do the will Of God in our Life.

Marriage relatioship is the shadow of the relationship between Christ and the Church.
Just as there is no church without Christ so are the spouses. there is no husband without the wife or a wife without the husband. they are complementing each other.
Living apart itself may lead either of the couples to sinful temptations.
remember, husband has the right to the wifes body and vice-versa.
I think this issue is very clear now.
"we err because we do not know the scriptures"
so let us commit ourselves to study the word of God.
God bless all!

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Reply by : lizageorge   View Profile   Since : 6 Apr 2005 5:11:34 PM Close
An addendum:
You can learn more on this and other practical issues from RBC.org (Radio Bible Class) and go to "answers to tough questions."
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Reply by : gary   View Profile   Since : 11 Apr 2005 11:39:01 AM Close
Love one another as I have loved you.Jn.19.
My prayer today and every day is for everyone to become one in Gods love, no matter who you are or what you have done.

We are all family, his family, for he is our father.

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Reply by : sunilajoseph@aol.com   View Profile   Since : 24 Apr 2005 2:19:24 PM Close
Hebrews: 13:4
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