New User? Register Today!
Registered Users, LOGIN
What we believe (Eng) What we believe (Mal) About Us Contact Us
Forums Home General Forum Youth Forum Sisters Forum Archives (2005-2007) Archives (2001-2004)
Listing of Brides Listing of Grooms
Assemblies in Kerala Evangelists in India Instituitions in India
Christian Albums Christian Songs
Audio Sermons Bible Wallpapers Brethren Links KB History (Eng) KB History (Mal)

K E R A L A  B R E T H R E N
General Forum

Forums Home ::
This Message Forum is to discuss spiritual topics only. Please avoid personal or assembly matters.
Let us use this facility for our spiritual enrichment and for bringing glory to our Lord almighty.
Webmasters reserve the right to delete any topic or posting partly or completely from this forum.
View Topics :: :: Post new topic General Forum: Finding God's will

Post Reply
Go to bottom of the page

# 08072 :  Finding God's will
How can we know who is the God appointed partner for a person. Normally i find people looking all material and physical attributes and decide on their partner.
Post by : jessica67  View Profile    since : 1 Jun 2016

Reply by : paizanjoe   View Profile   Since : 1 Jun 2016 4:10:30 AM Close

Hello Jessica,

A very valid question. The truth is, there is no predetermined answer for knowing who your future partner is unless it is revealed by God to you. Now before I explain that, you are right and it is unfortunate that in today's day and age, believers tend to look at societal standing, financial background, education and assets to determine whether the alliance is suitable or not. These are valid concerns of course since you would not want to get married to someone who is 'not correct'. But in doing this, what has happened is that as children of God these have metamorphosised into unwanted criteria as well. Today believers do reject alliances because even though the boy/girl is God fearing and of good testimony in his/her community, he/she is not fit because they either don't have money, influence, property or any other materialistic aspect.

Now let me explain it briefly from my own personal experience. I do not want to take any hypothetical instances since that would cause a lot of confusion. Maybe this could guide you as you seek your partner.

When I did decide to get married - the first time, my prayers were for the one who would be my companion. My belief at that instance was that it would be answered in due time. 

Mark 11:24

Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

It was difficult to accept this since as much you are deeply rooted in this faith - the other person also needs to be touched by God to reciprocate. It took time, prayers and a lot of effort. Believe me, as much as I did not reject anyone, I faced a lot of rejection due to various and sometimes illogical reasons. I will admit I wavered a bit, felt bitter and a lot of negative thoughts did come. But God was merciful. He listened. He knew my prayer and provided at the right time. And that too without any of the fanfare or eligibility requirements of the community.

Why do I say pray? Because it is through prayers that you get the wisdom to discern, to choose, to make the right decision about your partner.

Philippians 4:6-7

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 

James 1:5

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

The last thing I would say is to leave it to Him - He will guide you. You just need to believe and have faith in Him. If He has chosen some for you, He will bring him to you at the opportune time. Just like Issac for Rebekah, Salmon for Rahab, Boaz for Ruth.

Be patient and not swayed by what people say. If you cast everything on Him. He will move you and you will find Him.

Hebrews 10;36

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise



Go to top of the page
Go to bottom of the page

Reply by : jessica67   View Profile   Since : 1 Jun 2016 5:49:36 AM Close
Thankyou dear br.Joe for your valuable and sincere answer. But is it enough that we pray and wait or should our parents or we ourselves search prayerfully. As we have to pray at the same time study hard if need good result in exam, we pray and go to doctor when sick.
Go to top of the page
Go to bottom of the page

Reply by : paizanjoe   View Profile   Since : 1 Jun 2016 8:09:01 AM Close

Hello Jessica,

It is a blessing and privilege to have believers in unity praying for the matter. Because the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man/woman avails much (James 5:16 second part). You have to look at the need. If it is yours - then, of course, you have to commit and submit to the Lord. He has given you the right to approach Him and present your matter to Him. Having members of the church, family pray for the matter is great. But it needs to come from you first.

Of course, you have to search for the one. Parents, family, friends, church can only recommend or give you advice. But the choice and decision rest with you. You will know the answer when you commit in your own submission of the matter to the Lord. The spirit will show you. 

Marriage is different from studies and health. Of course for everything you have to commit to the Lord and do what you are meant to do (search, study, take medicines). But here, you are committing your life to someone else. Becoming one in the body, mind and spirit. 

Mathew 19: 4-6

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be* one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

You are not your own then. Your choices after this is not yours but his. And his choices are not his but yours. 

I Corinthians 7:4

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

That is a decision that you take until the day you die. You make the choice. And your choice will be clear if you let the spirit shows you the direction and you follow it with conviction.



Go to top of the page
Go to bottom of the page

Reply by : tomj   View Profile   Since : 7 Jun 2016 7:58:53 PM Close

Dear Jessica,

Let me add few thoughts in regards to your question. The Bible is not elaborating about the process of finding a spouse. That gives us the freedom to select our process based on the general principles and utilize the available means. God’s will is already revealed through the scriptures. If we follow the principles in the Bible we can be certain that we in His will. If we are controlled by selfish desires or harbor hatred, or show no compassion, or refuse to minister to people, or refuse the way of salvation, we know that we are not in the will of God.

Genesis 24 gives us some solid and eternal principles in regard to choosing a spouse. There we read –  vs 2-4.

” So Abraham said to the oldest servant of his house, who ruled over all that he had, “Please, put your hand under my thigh, and I will make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell; but you shall go to my country and to my family, and take a wife for my son Isaac.”

Lessons –1.  Pick a spouse who is of the same faith. Those who put their trust in the Lord Jesus Christ is a ‘new creation’ and this new creation should marry another new creation. This doesn’t mean a Malayalee Syrian Christian should marry only a Syrian Christian. It means any new creation of any background and any color as long as they find it suitable. Often we [KB] take this to the level that a KB should marry only another KB. There is no biblical basis for that – in fact, raising such barricade may not be pleasing to God.  

2. The second lesson we see is that Abraham sent someone important to inquire – This shows the family’s active involvement and blessing. This can be applicable even today. In some cases where parents are not available or unwilling for some reasons, other close associates or the person himself / herself may take the initiative; there should be such flexibility as well. Remember, the Bible is not explicit about the process. But being married is mentioned as a blessed state and God intended it that way from the very beginning. It is like the breaking of bread or the Lord’s Supper. It has to be observed, but the process or minute details are not in the Bible; which gives us the flexibility in regard to choosing appropriate process for each gathering. There is no telling that ‘this is THE way.’

3. Abraham displays his faith in the living God that He would supernaturally intervene and make this union happen. When the servant raised his suspicion, Abraham was able to settle his mind by reminding the servant about God’s unfailing covenant with Abraham. This is where our dependence on God should take precedence over our disbelief or unsettled mind.

So there are 3 important universal truths that we see here –

1.   Sharing the same faith

2.   Active involvement from family/ friends/ or in some unique situations just the individual with the help of spiritual mentors.

3.   Be patient and commit the desire to the Lord in prayer.   

Tom Johns

Go to top of the page
Go to bottom of the page

Reply by : tomj   View Profile   Since : 7 Jun 2016 8:32:27 PM Close

After posting the comments above, I realized that the following comments I made there did not connect with the rest. Let me explain why I included that. I wrote “If we follow the principles in the Bible we can be certain that we in His will. If we are controlled by selfish desires or harbor hatred, or show no compassion, or refuse to minister to people, or refuse the way of salvation, we know that we are not in the will of God.”

Even while selecting a spouse we need to show our compassion and the ministering spirit, rather than being bound by selfish motives. I have an older cousin who was a medical doctor, who shared his earlier desire to me in confidence, to marry someone with physical disability because of his extreme caring nature. But he ended up marrying a person with no such physical disability but his desire for compassionate ministry continued on and still continuing on. I see evidence of it, beyond words can express, throughout his life.

When we focus on selfish desires or focus on petty bragging rights, we are not in the will of God. Christians from Kerala & India as a whole, are deeply prejudiced and are unwilling to see Christians of other ethnic background as any good for their children or themselves. I wonder when would a Syrian Christian, out of godly conviction, marry someone from the so-called ‘Dalith’ background! We break bread together but their children are not good enough for our children. This is why I mentioned ‘controlled by selfish desires & show no compassion.’

Tom Johns 

Go to top of the page
Go to bottom of the page

Post reply Here

please login to continue..

Registered Users, Login below:

Username Password
Problem Login?

New User? Register Now

Forgot User Name or Password? Click Here

Go to top of the page

All times are GMT -5 Hours
Forums Home ::

Back to Top